I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
