No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
