I am spending my child support on dildos
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
