if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
