how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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