i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
as a side note pls kill me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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