her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have already put on my inside pants.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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