my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
