I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
