Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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