i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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