they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
