the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
