I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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