No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
