dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
