You just made me feel so damn special
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
