Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He shit in the fireplace
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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