Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
