I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
