I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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