After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
