p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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