I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
