you guys were way drunker than both of me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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