so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dear god my vagina.
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