This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize