i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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