Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
