There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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