i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
