Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
