using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize