Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
only if we run a train.
done.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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