I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize