White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
