The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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