It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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