I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
