This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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