I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
