i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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