I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
