Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
