i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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