She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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