I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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