I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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