I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
