Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize