The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
