I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
