Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
