Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
