sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
