We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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