dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize