I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
