yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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