I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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