I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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