Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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