none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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