I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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