I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
