They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
