Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
