thus making me awesome and them whores
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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