he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
