god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i will never coherently bang her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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