Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
