shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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