dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I checked into jail on foursquare
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
