I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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