Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
