The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
