Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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