This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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