how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
