I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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