life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
