Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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