What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
