I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
