Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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