I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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