I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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