You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
