she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
