What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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