apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
