I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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