12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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