Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
