Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
love makes seman taste better
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize